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— Below are all the messages tagged booze —
Me: Last night I drank beers with a boa constrictor wrapped up in my hair. Apparently snakes love good hair.
Mom: There are some things you do on the weekends that a mother never needs to know about.
April 21, 2013
ME: I need to write a paper about an important recipe in my family like something that’s been passed down.
MOM: Rum and coke
ME: How does that make sense
MOM: I made it and now you make it I PASSED IT DOWN
MOM: and it’s important
February 3, 2013
Grandpa: Grammie complained. TOO much rum but sucked it all down. We are carrying her to the car now
Grandpa: I think I heard her say something about tomorrow Not sure , she’s mumbling
January 31, 2013
Mom: On th wayy bak frm reunion be hoome son.
Me: Are you texting while you’re driving?
Mom: Yur fatherrr is drving im tryng to drnk my roadie
January 15, 2013
4 in the morning:
Dad: You are smart, beautiful, funny and tall I luv u.
Me: Dad are you drunk?
Dad: Ya, I would never say that when Im sober
December 25, 2012
Mom: Sounds super busy! Try not to stress too much it’s almost done :). P.S. can I use your ugly bracelet that was hanging on the hook to make cork ornaments for our wine tasting party Sat?
December 13, 2012
Dad: Call your mom
Me: Why?
Dad: Just kidding we r drunk
Me: What is happening?
Dad: Nothing. We were watching honey boo boo and was letting u know
Me: And ur drunk watching honey boo boo at Shabbat dinner?
Dad: It’s a new thing we do. It’s called “shabooboo”
November 7, 2012
