— Below are all the messages tagged dating —
- mom: will you go out tonight and party with your friends or stay home and eat meatballs alone again?
- me: meatballs
- mom: please go out I want grandchildren
March 12, 2013
- Mom: Are u bringing him to Laguna to meet your mummy?
- Mom: He should meet me because I’m the only smart, beautiful and sane person in your family tree. Lol
- Me: Hey, what about me?
- Mom: Not counting you of course.
- Mom: You are the smartest most beautiful nut on the tree!
February 11, 2013
- Mom: Caitlyn I love you my precious daughter and sweetheart but not comfortable with new bf spending night.
- Mom: Do you like white cheddar cheez its?
January 15, 2013
- MOM: So if you want me to still fix you up, Kyle at the Liquor Barn is available.
- ME: Who is that??
- MOM: The guy at the checkout of course.
- ME: Do you really want me to date a checkout guy from Liquor Barn? Ignore the perks of free boxed wine for just a second, please.
- MOM: Your Dad agrees with you, but FREE LIQUOR! Just think about it honey.
November 21, 2012
- Mom: We r at henlopen oyster hse. The Russian shucker was asking about u & wanted ur #!
November 6, 2012
- Dad: I had a bad dream about you. We got in a terrible fight because you wanted to date Russell Brand. You don’t know him do you? Call me.
October 21, 2012
- Me: He texted me today and said, “Hey how have you been? I just wanted to say I miss you.”
- Mom: Just reply “Everything is great a**hole. Bye.”
- Me: Hahahaha. No.
- Mom: Or maybe “Of course you miss me what else is there?”
- Mom: Or how about “Had much beer tonight?”
- Mom: Or “You might be a rich bastard but your mama didn’t teach you no manners mr. bowtie.”
- Me: Hahahahaha what has gotten into you?
- Mom: Don’t f*** with my little girl has gotten into me.
- Me: I’m laughing so hard. I wish I could tweet this.
- Mom: You do that and I’LL f*** with you.
- Mom: So how are you going to respond?
- Me: Well, I don’t want to be a b**ch.
- Mom: Ok. Ask him about his graduation.
- Mom: Type “Are you a graduate?”
- Mom: “With a BS in BS?”
August 15, 2012