— Below are all the messages tagged wisdom —
Mom: Cosmo says the perfect age gap for a relationship is 4 yrs 4mos. FYI.
March 17, 2013
Me: A guy I work with just came out of the bathroom eating a banana…like in mid-bite. Is that normal!?!
Dad: No, that’s starnge. Avoid this individual as he may be a doomsdaysurvivalist with a hoard of stuff in the men’s bathroom.
February 7, 2013
DAD: Hey Joe, I have 2 pieces of advice for you today. First you should start saving for your retirement with your first pay cheque. Second if you want to meet girls, stay away from bars on Friday nights and go to hot yoga. Your Mom and I went last night and there were at least a dozen beauties to choose from. Dad.
January 20, 2013
Mom: Oh young caterpillar you have many miles to go before you can be as strong and as powerful as the mighty butterfly.
October 20, 2012
Dad: Don’t drink and text. Or text and drive or sext without protection or something.
September 22, 2012
Me: mom already said yes at like 11:30 last night. Haven’t talked since then?
Dad: just in the last 20 min
Dad: and it wasn’t about you
Dad: not at the center of our world anymore
Dad: though we still like you
August 28, 2012
Mom: Don’t forget to do your tongue exercises. Back…forward…back…repeat. We don’t want your lisp to relapse. Also clean bathroom
July 19, 2012